I'm halfway through the best years of my life

I stalled updating this thing. I didn't even update it when I actually had something in my mind. It's strange...why do I do this? Why am I motivated to share my thoughts and never do it? Is it laziness or is it lack of inspiration? But isn't laziness lack of motivation? So I narrow it down to inspiration. So I'm inspired by my lack of inspiration. I used to be an avid writer in high school but ever since I graduated I lost it all. So what exactly happened? Not sure.

They say the most important rule for writers is to write what you know. I would think it's know how to write but I wouldn't argue with them. So what do I know? Lots of things. But what do I really know that actually matters? What have I been through for these 20 years, what have I seen? I've been through the usual. For example: Love, heartbreak, creation, death, and renewal. I've experience or lived these things and in some cases both.

So why the lack of inspiration? An idea came to me while I was writing this very blog post. Someone once told me I was very distant. I knew this but no one ever told me this. I might of thought it was never a problem. Which is stupid of me to think but people seem to be attached to me for some reason so I never thought to change. But once she told me something hit me and made me flashback to all of my relationships I had and realized they have all slipped into the past and stayed there. Could this be my fault? But that's a different topic. So I wonder. Distance. Metaphorically and literally, its my main problem, but lets focus on the metaphorical sense. I'm distant from people, and from situations. I'm an observer. But I don't analyze what's actually going on. I'm just there. Totally oblivious of people's feelings, their past, their future.

Starting to not make sense. It's 2:57 A.M.. Signing off...